Word of the Year 2016: FREE

najlepsza strategia na opcje binarne The calendar year has once again turned over and I never wrote about my 2016 Word of the Year. Maybe it was too personal. Maybe I felt I needed to explain it too much. Whatever reason it may have been, I wanted to make sure I documented it before I moved on to 2017.

https://bristolquakers.org.uk/drova/2248 rencontre 38290 FREE.

rencontres régionales cticm When my mother-in-law first met me over 18 years ago, she called me a FREE SPIRIT. And I was. I was also fearless, a little reckless, and a lot selfish. But free spirit definitely sounded better.

http://www.pavegreen.org/vioper/1118 As life would have it, marriage struggles, finances, cancer, having children, the basics of adulting, made me less free spirited and more heavy-hearted. I walked through death, divorce, and diagnosis with other mothers and saw that my joie de vivre was really just ignorance wrapped up in adrenaline.

https://www.tuseguro.com/kambjasie/1880 And I became hard.

And hardness doesn’t look good on anyone. I needed to be released of this hardness.

So I set out to set myself free. But I found my freedom in the faith that had carried me through the hard. “The joy of the Lord is my strength” resonated with me. God’s strength gives me joy; my joy comes only from God’s strength. He (Jesus) even used MY word! “If you abide in my word you are truly my disciples and you will know the truth and the truth will set you FREE.” (John 8:31-32) And again in John 8:36, he says “If the Son sets you FREE, you are FREE indeed!”

dig this What happened when I became free?

-I began to laugh outloud again. I love to laugh, I love to make people laugh, but I lost my laughter. This year I didn’t suppress it. Working with my students in Special Ed, I watched them feel their feelings. When something is funny, they laugh, loudly and without constraint. I wanted to be more like my students so I followed their lead.

-I danced more. I love to dance. Part of my love of practicing yoga is that I feel like I am dancing when I move from pose to pose. It doesn’t matter that I’m not actually that good at dancing; the freedom comes in releasing the expectations of what it “should” look like. And when your 68-year-old mother asks to go dancing for her birthday at a drag queen street party, you dance.

-I rode a bike. (It had been 20 years since the last time.)

-I rode a camel. I thought I’d do that for the first time in the deserts of the Middle East, but the deserts of Palm Springs sufficed.

-I ran a mud run. And did 25 obstacles throughout it just like ones I did as a kid. It was exhausting and absolutely exhilarating.

-I tried out for things…contests, tickets, brand-enthusiasts, writing awards, even jobs I wasn’t nearly qualified for, and I got passed on most, but some stuck and the fun was in the trying and dreaming.

-I went to the snow, to the desert, to the mountains, to the ocean, to the South, to the woods, to the river, to the City, and to the lake. In other words, I didn’t sit and see the same thing. I was free to explore. I was free to have an adventure.

None of this is to say I am completely released. Everyday is an effort to not live in the bondage of fear or in a world of pseudo control. And some days I don’t have that effort. But I want my kids to know who I once was (minus the selfishness) so I aspire to be sillier, do things that scare me, and remember to smile more.

And in that, I’m FREE.

 

Word of the Year…Revised

I began 2015 with a strong word: TRUST. I thought it was a word that gave up control. I thought it was a word that would encompass the changes that I foresaw were coming. I was convinced that if I just trusted God, the universe, the “plan,” anything ENOUGH, it would all work out; things would fall into place the way they were supposed to.

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on which way you look at it), I still had my greedy little hand wrapped around any control I could find, thus voiding any trust I thought I was putting out there. I took a word that I thought I could “throw at the feet of Jesus” (please excuse the Christianese), and leave there. I found myself in the muck still trying to duck dive for any hidden control.

My word needed to evolve…

I would not be exaggerating to say this has been the most hellish year of my 40 years here on earth. Wish I was being dramatic, but without divulging my dirty laundry of a life, this year made me want to run. Run far, far away. So my word merged into WAIT. Exactly what I did NOT want to do. But I didn’t have a better plan and surely, with waiting, I would not try to retain any more control. Yes, to wait is still being active, exercising patience, but it’s docile at the same time. I had no “right” direction to go, so all I could do was wait. But it was still about ME, me waiting, me putting in the self-restraint to wait. Me…controlling.

I didn’t go. Well, I haven’t left.

But then wait merged into SURRENDER.

I surrender all, I surrender all, all to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all.

That’s the song I heard the day I found my new word. There’s nothing after surrender. There’s no control in it. There’s no chance of control. It’s throwing my arms up and proclaiming “Take it, cause I’ve got nothing.” Complete surrender, ironically, brings complete peace, because the lack of control is refreshing. I thought it’d be scary; it’s liberating. It’s not on me anymore. If my life goes down this path: it’s okay. And if my life goes down the other path-that’s okay too.

A state of complete surrender is all God wants from us and it took me a year of brokenness to get there.

 

Click This Link Don’t give up.