Every year I have a word for the year. I love words. I think long and hard about that word, as it feels like it sets the tone for the new year. Sometimes it’s a challenge, like the year I had GRACE. I was working on showing more grace to others, to myself. Another year it was JOY. I now have the word Joy written all over my house from the stickers on my kitchen wall to the driftwood Joy in my living room. I need more JOY. Choose JOY. These were what I told myself that year. (And still do!).
This year my word is FEARLESS. I do not want to live in fear. I do not want to make major life decisions in fear. I want to live boldly. I want to live in faith. Going through some old jewelry, I found this necklace a friend had given me years ago with the word Fearless on it. And I was. I lived my life spontaneously, and impulsively, and…for myself. Yes, this was before kids, so I knew no fear. I don’t want to regain the selfishness I had at that time, but I do want the courage I had.
I want to live as a lionhearted girl. I want to live fearless.
I’m not really a diamonds kind of girl, which you may by now have figured out. What I love most is when someone says “I thought of you when I saw this and had to get it for you.” Whatever sparked a fond thought or familiar memory for that person, means more to me than any diamond in the world. And when it’s a surprise, on a random Monday, it’s even better. My dear friend, knowing my struggles, brought into the classroom a small vile that contained an arrow on a necklace. (Look how cute that packaging is??!!) On the vile it reads “Follow Your Arrow.” I need that right now, and when she saw it, she thought of me and knew that. There’s nothing sweeter than that. I’m not taking this baby off.
When I put my daughter to bed, I reminded her that tonight, October 13th, 10 years ago, is when I went into labor with her, my first born. I had no idea how my life was about to change. How nothing would be the same. My life forever would be so much better because of her.
And then as I spoke the words October 13th, I was reminded this was also the date that I was to be married the first time. And then 13 years ago it was the date that I fell off a cliff and broke my back. Both of those events, although dramatic, had to happen for me to have the best October 13th, 2004, when I was to meet my baby girl. I followed my arrow.
I didn’t always know where that arrow was going, but I’m thankful for it.
I live a nomadic life. In my head. In my head I live a nomadic life. Truth be told, I’ve actually lived in the same city for my entire 30’s. My 20’s was a different story: Los Angeles, San Francisco, Costa Rica, back to LA, Las Vegas. But with children came sedimentary and as I look at entering a new decade, my wanderlust has emerged once again.
All Good Things Are Wild and Free. Thoreau
I believed (believe) this quote, but I’m just not sure what that looks like now. Last night I watched the documentary “Surfwise” (I watch A LOT of documentaries), about a family who’s patriarch was a Stanford educated doctor, but he bucked society, collected his nine plus kids in a camper, and lived to surf and travel. Love the premise, but in all actuality, none of the grown children seemed very happy. My mother always says “Everything in moderation, even moderation.” I don’t think I’m ready to live with my family in a camper. In fact, we are heading out on a road trip up the coast soon and I’m nervous just being in the car all together for a few days. But I digress. We are looking to retire from the military after TWENTY years of service (the hubs, not me), and we could go ANYWHERE! But we’re scared. There’s a whole lot of anywhere. And our kids like it here. And I finally have a good hairdresser. But we don’t feel very wild and free.
In high school, one of my girlfriends went with her family to live in Costa Rica for her sophomore year. How cool is that? When everyone is so shallow and crazy hormonal, grab the kids and take them to another country to see it’s not all about them. I don’t think I got it at the time, I was actually miffed that they took our point guard away from the girl’s basketball team, but now I think they’re great parents. My husband and I LOVE Hawaii and my daughter has a connection to sea turtles after swimming behind one there and she says Hawaii like a local. We have a connection. But the reality is that’s a major move. You would think a military wife wouldn’t be afraid of a little move, but this military wife hasn’t had to relocate much. So here we are with the question “If all the world is your oyster, where do you want to spit shine your pearl at?”
And that is what we will be figuring out ladies and gents…